In September 2025 I wrote a satirical proposal to rewrite Rails in Rust, and picked Rust because it was the one language David would never touch. On September 23, 2026 he told Rails World he hates Rust with a passion and is rebuilding HEY's backend in it. The satire got one line wrong, and it stopped one language too early.
The crew must mediate a civil war on a planet that cannot agree to deprecate v1 of their planetary API. The "v1 Loyalists" refuse to upgrade from the "classic" API, while the "v2 Progressives" are trying to force a migration, splitting their world in two.
A society is discovered where social hierarchy is dictated by CSS (Cosmic Social Specificity). The rulers are the `!important` caste, followed by those with inline styles, then IDs, then classes. The crew must start a revolution from the "user-agent-stylesheet" underclass to restore balance.
When Spark discovers Earth's historical flag database, her innocent misunderstanding of national symbols as "quality ratings" leads to a mind-bending revelation about humanity's true power structure: a headless architecture where nations are just frontends for the same corporate backend.
The crew visits a world where society is governed by a single, planet-wide CI/CD pipeline. All social status and privileges are determined by whether one's "life pull request" passes the automated tests. The crew must fix a critical bug in the pipeline to save a citizen who has been marked for "deprecation."
The crew finds a planet that was literally "coded" into existence using a Terraform-like tool. They discover the planet's "state file" and must prevent a disgruntled junior deity from running `terraform destroy` on the entire civilization.